45 good roasts that hurt
It’s an art to roast someone. It’s the perfect blend of humor, wit, and biting sarcasm, where the goal is to make the other person laugh while also delivering a sharp, often uncomfortable jab. A well-executed roast, however, can be both humorous and painful, leaving the recipient stunned or giggling uncomfortably. When overdone, some roasts have the potential to cause emotional distress. Here’s a collection of 45 roasts that pack a punch and leave a mark, perfect for when you’re in the mood to tease someone a little too hard.
“You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.” A classic roast that hits where it hurts, suggesting that your presence is the least enjoyable part of any situation. It’s a humorous way of saying that someone is simply unpleasant to be around.
“You have the perfect face for radio.” a witty jab at someone’s appearance that suggests they’d rather be hidden away from prying eyes. Ouch.
“You look like something I drew with my left hand.” This roast is incisive and not for the weak of heart, taking aim at someone’s physical attributes in a humorous yet brutal manner.
“You’re proof that even Google doesn’t have all the answers.” A clever burn that suggests the person is a walking mistake, throwing shade on both their intelligence and their ability to function normally.
“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a great day.” This one perfectly captures the vibe of someone who is a burden to everyone around them. Though funny, the truth is painful.
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.” A well-executed assault on someone’s intellect, ingeniously indicating that their lack of knowledge is just due to “bad luck.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” This line shows how one can roast someone’s logic while making it sound casual and almost like a friendly jab—without being friendly at all.
“You have the kind of face that makes people want to stare, but only for all the wrong reasons.” Taking a dig on someone’s physical appearance with this roast will undoubtedly create a lasting impact, and not in a nice way.
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.” This roast is aimed at someone who simply goes through the motions without adding much value. It’s straightforward and harsh.
“If you were any more useless, we’d have to water you.” The person is compared to a plant in this barbaric roast, but without the essential characteristics that make them necessary or useful.
“You have the personality of a dial-up internet connection.” This one is great for making fun of someone who’s a bit old-fashioned or slow in their actions, making them feel like they’re stuck in the past.
“Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me these.” A roast aimed at someone who’s boring or unimportant in the grand scheme of things. It’s cruel but hilarious.
“Your brain is like a web browser: Too many tabs open and none of them make sense.” A burn on someone’s intellect or decision-making skills, suggesting they’re scatterbrained and incapable of focusing.
“You’re the reason we have instructions on shampoo bottles.” insulting someone’s intelligence by suggesting that they are so unintelligent that they might require a detailed manual for even the most basic tasks.
“You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'” A subtle roast about how irritating someone’s presence can be, making them feel unwelcome without expressing it outright.
“I’d say you’re one in a million, but that means there’s 7,800 people just like you.” An entertaining way to emphasize that someone is by no means unique and to show them that they are just another regular person in a crowd.
“You bring everyone around you down—like a walking gravity well.” A harsh one for someone with a negative attitude or one who brings bad energy everywhere they go.
“You’re proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day.” This roast suggests that even though the person may not have many qualities worth admiring, sometimes even the most dysfunctional people get things right by accident.
“You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you’re definitely the rustiest.” A clever jab at someone’s lack of intelligence while insinuating they’re past their prime.
“You have the perfect face for radio and the personality for a toaster.” A brutal roast that goes after both someone’s appearance and their personality. It cuts deep.
“If you were any more clueless, we’d have to teach you how to breathe.” A harsh burn on someone’s lack of common sense, making them feel as if they can’t even manage the basics.
“You’re like a cloud on a sunny day: unnecessary and unwelcome.” a remark that implies a person simply doesn’t belong in a group or circumstance.
“Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.” A severely scathing roast directed at someone’s very existence, suggesting they were never meant to be here in the first place.
“You’re the kind of person who’d ask for directions and still get lost.” A roast targeting someone’s lack of direction in life—both literally and figuratively.
“If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d watch reality TV.” This one’s for someone who’s just too loud and inconsequential, making it plain that their viewpoint counts little.
“You make a rock look like a conversationalist.” An insult directed at someone who is not only uninteresting but also incapable of carrying on a conversation.
“You’d be the perfect person to sit next to on a long flight: quiet, uninteresting, and unbothered.” For someone who is so boring, even lengthy journeys would be more enjoyable without them.
“You’re like a phone with no signal. Just a waste of space.” a jab at someone who is completely unproductive or simply not meeting expectations.
“You’re like a software glitch in human form.” Perfect for someone who’s always messing up or causing confusion, highlighting their lack of competence.
“You’re like a phone call during dinner: unwanted, disruptive, and immediately regretted.” A clever way to tell someone they’re a nuisance without being too obvious about it.
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” A playful but sharp way to undermine someone’s opinion and make them feel like they have no place in the conversation.
“If you were any more out of touch, you’d need a GPS to find yourself.” A roast aimed at someone who’s completely disconnected from reality or current trends.
“You’re not a disaster, you’re the whole hurricane.” For someone who’s not just a problem, but the whole catastrophe, affecting everything around them.
“You could serve as a negative example of how to live your life.” A savage insult aimed at someone’s decisions and overall existence, insinuating they’re an example of what not to do.
“I’d call you a genius, but I’m not sure you’d know what that meant.” A cheeky way to make someone feel less than capable and to disparage their intelligence.
“You’re like a mystery novel: confusing, frustrating, and ultimately not worth the effort.” A harsh roast that implies someone is hard to understand, but in a trivial and unremarkable way.
“You’re like an episode of a bad TV show: annoying, predictable, and easy to ignore.” A witty poke at someone who’s always in the way but never adds anything substantial.
“If you were any more of a mess, you’d need a cleaning crew.” A sharp burn on someone who is disorganized or chaotic in every aspect of their life.
“You’ve got the kind of face people make when they’re trying not to laugh.” A direct roast aimed at someone’s appearance, suggesting they’re almost too funny-looking to take seriously.
“Your brain is the size of a walnut—minus the flavor.” A playful but hurtful roast aimed at someone’s intelligence, making it clear they’re not the brightest.
“You could be a professional ‘don’t do that’ example.” This is for someone who consistently does things incorrectly and seems to be a walking disaster.
“If you were a car, you’d be the one nobody wants to drive.” A harsh roast suggesting that, even in the most basic sense, people would avoid spending time with them.
“Your memory is like a black hole—nothing ever escapes it.” A burn aimed at someone with a terrible memory or poor attention span.
“You’re like a fire drill: loud, annoying, and ultimately useless.” A clever way to make someone feel like they’re loud and disruptive but serve no real purpose.
“You’re the human version of a participation award.” This one’s all about telling someone that they don’t stand out at all, no matter how hard they try.
Roasts can be funny, but they can also sting. A well-timed, ingenious burn can make a lasting impression, regardless of whether it is directed at someone’s intelligence, looks, or simply their general presence. Just be careful not to cross the line—because, while a good roast is all in good fun, sometimes words can hurt more than intended.